5 Things NOT to do as a Vegan During the Holidays… (Explicit)

The holidays can be a stressful time for all. Who are you buying presents for? Where are you going? How are you going to fit all of the relatives in with only one day? Oh…And yeah… You’re vegan so there’s of course the looming dread that we all feel during family focused holidays… Food. What will we freaking do!? Our families are not even remotely vegan and don’t even know what tofu is…

lily-quote

Here are 5 of my recommendations of things to NOT do or to avoid doing while celebrating the holiday season… Of course… You’re able to make your own choices. Just don’t come back to me and complain when everybody hates you and you’re banned from family social occasions if you don’t follow my advice. May the odds be ever in your favor, friend. Here we go…

1. DO NOT wear your “MEAT IS MURDER” shirt to Grandma’s House…

meat-is-murder-shirt

While you and your Whole Foods shopping, Vegan YouTube activist friends may all go twinsies on a regular basis… This is NOT appropriate for sitting at Grandma’s dining table. In fact, it’s quite rude. Let’s save this for something less sensitive? Fourth of July maybe? You are not going to convince people that you are a genuine, caring human being by passive aggressively attacking people with your shirt. Just…Don’t do it. Or wear it under that ugly sweater. Enjoy your family please. Some people aren’t lucky enough to have a family to nag about eating more plants.

2. DO NOT start telling everyone you see within’ 10 feet that you’re Vegan…

quote

Okay…I may steadily be limiting your holiday wardrobe choices… But seriously my friends… We know you’re vegan. It’s okay. Calm down. Time and place my friend. The holidays are made for enjoying the company of friends and family. How would you like it if your Paleo cousin to got a turn to start preaching the wonders of eating bacon? Don’t worry…I’ve been that person… I’ve been that annoying preachy family member who won’t shut up about gluten. Let people leave your presence feeling happier. Be kind. If it comes up…Sure! Give it a polite chat… But DO NOT stand on that damn soap box my friend. Don’t do it… No… Pulpits aren’t welcome either…

3. DO NOT expect Everyone to Know How You Eataunt-voula

Veganism may seem to be growing in popularity…But I constantly get the question…Well… Do you eat eggs? Is that like vegetarian? I think my best advice for this is to talk to your family ahead of time or I don’t know…Do it yourself? Ask your family over and cook for them? If they want ham or turkey maybe they could bring it and you make all those delicious vegan meals on the side? Come on! Put in some effort. Or just eat all the vegetables on the side. Don’t be an asshole. Most people will notice you NOT eating…but they won’t be checking your plate for meat as long as you’re eating… Again… This goes along with 1 and 2… No need to shout out to everyone that you’re vegan. Enjoy your family and eat those Brussel sprouts! As my Aunt Linda used to say, “If you go home hungry, it’s your own damn fault.”

4. DO NOT offer up those “Handy” Health Facts we all know you have Memorized for the Right Occasion…

dinner-conversation

We all know you’re just aching to tell that weird Uncle of yours that the dangers of his tailgating habits of steak and butter will only lead him down a woeful and sad path to heart disease and cancer. But, I doubt your “facts” will be taken seriously as he gobbles up some more turkey and chugs down another brewski. In fact, they may take you less serious because…Who’s rude enough to point out someone’s bad habit as they’re doing the bad habit? Do you think this is the time of year for people to be receptive and health oriented? Ready for change? You’re a few weeks ahead of schedule dude…And frankly… Nobody asked you how many people die of colon cancer every year… Nobody wants to hear about colons at the Christmas dinner table! Nobody!

5. DO NOT Miss out on Being With Family Just Because You’re Vegan (Or Plant-Based)!!!

holiday-quote

I’ve seen people pledging to not participate with family gatherings if there are animal products being used. But, if I’ve learned anything…You need to fiercely recognize how family DOES care and that they CAN surprise you. My mother-in-law kindly made me a gluten free AND vegan dessert for Thanksgiving that was amazing! Give your family a chance. They might not jump on the bandwagon and buy Jesus Sneakers and Hippie Skirts… But they love and care about you. Don’t be so selfish that you can’t deal with the world as it is. Be happy. Be kind. Most of all, spread around that compassion to humans…Not just the animals. Then you might see that people aren’t such assholes and maybe, just maybe eat a vegan meal and not throw up in their mouth at the thought of that many vegetables. Do your best and remember that the holidays should be about family, community, and friends. Not your diet. Or you. Or that ridiculous “Kale Yeah, I’m Vegan…” T-shirt… It’s cheesy. Really… Just stop.


I hope you have enjoyed this light hearted advice of 5 things you shouldn’t do during the holidays. It’s all in good fun my friend. From one vegan to another.. .Don’t isolate yourself. Do the work to make sure you can go out and have fun and be merry. Enjoy your holiday season no matter what you celebrate. Happy holidays from my family to yours.

 

Leave a Reply